Pizza and Kimchi

The sounds of leather-soled shoes clap on the wooden floor of the hallway. Everything is immaculately clean, simple and carefully placed. The well dressed Japanese businessman opens the solid wood door to the Japanese restaurant. With a nod and slight German accented “Arigato,” his two guests and translator walk into the Osaka restaurant.

The food is classic Japanese. The sake is fresh, unpasteurized and slightly chilled. Sitting at the table with their translator, the two businessmen from America are entertained by their counterpart. An esteemed colleague representing a large Japanese pharmaceutical company in Asia, this meeting is of the utmost importance for the American company looking to break into the Japanese and Asian market.

After dinner, the Japanese businessman asks with a smile, “So, how do you like Osaka, Japan?”

In a German accent, the Vice President of the American company answers first, “I have only been here for a night so far, I have not seen much of the city. From what I have seen, Osaka looks like a pleasant place.”

The American lawyer nonchalantly chimes in, “oh, it is just like any other dirty port city. We have many dirty cities like this in the United States.”

Stone-faced at the American’s response, the German doctor looks over to the translator who is sitting quiet in the corner of the room. It is readily apparent that the Japanese businessman understood every word said.

The businessman continues to speak as if nothing happened. As the three finish dinner, small-talk assumes over the scheduled meeting at the company’s headquarters in Osaka.

A few days pass as the American guests meet with various individuals to address mundane and more complicated issues associated with passing a drug through the Japanese version of the FDA. Finally the time comes for the business meeting with the Japanese businessman.

The two foreign guests sit at the conference table with their translator nearby. The German looks at his watch. One hour late? He wonders if something is wrong. Where is the Japanese businessman?

Now two hours have passed.

Three hours…

This is a pivotal meeting for the two companies. Without the meeting, the entire trip would be a failure.

Finally the German asks the translator, “Where is he? Is there a reason he has not showed up for the meeting?”

The translator responds, “The man is from Osaka. The American lawyer has insulted his hometown. The man lost ‘face’ and will not come today.”

Carefully calculated, completely thought through, and without emotion, the man specifically planned not to show.

During dinner, he expressed no anger, no disappointment and no emotion. Both guests, the American and the German, did not recognize the cultural insult the American lawyer gave to the man. Rather than showing his dissatisfaction right at the dinner table, the businessman decided to wait.

In Korea, ‘face’ is called “kibun.” In this specific instance, Japanese and Korean culture are extremely similar. Kibun refers to feelings, pride and emotional discourse. If someone insulted one’s hometown in America that person would show some immediate level of dissatisfaction with the insult. In East Asia, a lot of emotion is left unsaid. Not to use a cliché, but the often used phrase ‘actions speak louder than words’ takes on a new level here in East Asia.

Although things have changed with the new generation, what happened to my father 25 years ago still explains a lot of the cultural differences between East Asia and the West. With family, East Asians are quick to show anger and discipline with their children but uneasy when showing other more positive emotions. With business colleagues, generally little to no emotion is shown.

When I told my Aunt that I was happy to see her, her response was “Oliver has always been very easy with emotions, even as a child.”

This reserved nature and emotional internalization has also crossed over to Asian immigrants in the US. Older Asians will prefer not to vocalize any injustices they have experienced in America. You ask my mom about how she was treated differently because she was Asian in America and she will always try to change the subject or say a few words and become quiet. Many Asians still do this today. I am not making a judgment on whether this is a correct path to take. What I am trying to convey is that in this regard, the difference in cultures is like the difference between daily foods.

When compared to their other American minority counterparts, this non-vocalization has made most Americans oblivious to what is socially acceptable and what is not when dealing with Asian Americans. Making fun of Asian accents in the presence of Asians you do not know still occurs in the West. After speaking to a Polish lady who told me about this exact experience in Poland, where these Korean exchange students came home in tears, makes me realize that those who choose to do this may not realize they are hurting the feelings of the Asians they are doing it to. Without recognition that this action is an insult, the insensitive Westerner may continue to do it. Regardless of whether this was ‘lost in translation,’ it is one thing to make a joke among friends. It is culturally insensitive to do this in front of strangers.

There are many fine differences between East Asian and Western culture. Most of them are in fact gestures and actions, rarely words. Chopsticks left in the rice bowl is an insult to the host and cook. Not taking alcohol with two hands from someone older than you is an insult. Not drinking the alcohol away from your elder is also an insult. The list goes on.

There is much unsaid in Korea. In some ways it leaves a traveler with a Western upbringing like me a little lost.

However, how we choose to respond to such insults also may vary as much as the pizza or kimchi we eat...